To the future me.

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Dear, future me.

It is undeniable that you are not impeccable. You are a person who made mistakes.
A walking jeopardy. Like a ticking bomb waiting for an outbreak.
Your words can gash through the heart and it will sting for a while. Because you believe in the saying “The truth hurts but it will set you free”. The sound of your laugh is like a rambunctious roar of a lion that can echo to the next town, yet like a contagious disease in this vicinity.

A charm like no other, not only the exterior but beauty on the inside.
You own a heart bigger than the universe and a sentiment sweeter than candy.
No wonder you had your emotions crushed a countless times, because you are a forgiver.
Someone that never ceases to give chances, because you anticipate that one day these people will change for the better.

But they didn’t
They never did.

However, Do not lose hope!

Because..
You are tough and fearless.
You have overcome many battles in life that are meaningless.
So do not think of yourself any less.
Because let me tell you. You’re the best.

 

 

My true love

Just like a normal teenager, I have been through relationships that I would rather forget. Like those hideous childhood pictures, you would want to keep concealed in a box till the end of time. It’s not because of the fact that its embarrassing but rather filled with memories that still leaves a throbbing pain in my chest.

Falling in love was not as joyful as it seems.
To me? It was more like a tragedy.

I would never have thought that I would end up in a relationship that would leave a puddle of tears on my pillows every night, then wake up the next morning to find it dry again and act like it was nothing. It was difficult for me to pretend that I am happy every waking day when in fact my heart is bleeding. Honestly, I even had suicidal thoughts as I felt like I wasn’t being appreciated nor loved at all.

The relationship we had was not healthy.
There was no trust in the relationship, and even when he would ask for forgiveness It was easy for me to say “Yes, I forgive you” but It was so difficult for me to say “Let’s forget about it”. It’s like getting stabbed over and over again with the same wound you had last time. That’s what betrayal felt to me.

I was so consumed with the idea of him changing and that is why I never left. I was patient and my head was brimming with hopes and dreams that maybe one day he will be the person I want him to be for me.

However, this post is not about my past failures and experiences in relationships. I am writing this to tell you about how I found my “true love”. You may wonder who this lucky person may be? Before we get to that part, let me tell you how.

It was when I lost myself in the process of creating the ideal person he wanted me to be. It was when I felt like I was not being loved enough. It was when I felt all alone in a crowded room. It was when I couldn’t even love myself anymore.

I would immerse myself in the thoughts of how he lied, how he took me for granted and I would question myself “Am I not good enough?”. My mind was being poisoned with doubts and I didn’t realise that It was the devil telling me I wasn’t good enough.

But that was back then before I met him. After that, everything changed.

I learnt to love myself because he loved me first.
Despite my flaws and imperfections, he never left my side. He accepted me for who I am, and he never gave up on me even when I would push him away. He healed my broken heart and my broken life.

He is called Jesus.

He is my true love.
He will never forsake me.
He never did, and never will.

 

 

 

 

Serena

Once upon a time, there lived a young lady named Serena who lived in a tiny shack by the sea, in a small town. Her skin was fair, white like snow and her refined black hair was darker than the night. Nevertheless, her emerald colored eyes have what enticed Sebastian that day. He was mesmerised when he saw her; that moment he fell in love. Little did he know about the blizzard patiently waiting to devour his life.

Behind that perfection, she was carrying a heavy burden. She was cursed by a witch that she would turn into a siren whenever the sun set. Sebastian was luckier – he was born into a wealthy family where he was raised in the palace with a silver spoon in his mouth. Servants would clothe him with white garments and fine linen. He was surrounded by the tenderness of young women for they loved his golden blonde hair and blue, topaz colored eyes.

In the midst of the night sky – where there were no apparent stars but a thief, of which captured the sun’s rays – Serena cast a long shadow. He saw her, wandering upon the sand. But those elegant strides soon disappeared. He could only hear the delicate collision against the velvet like current. Silence. As he turned with regret and wonder, another delicate collision could be heard; little did he know it was her legs pressing against the flowing water of the ocean. her legs would gently disappear into the foams of the ocean, her legs would then miraculously transform into a tail of a fish, and at dawn, she would eventually return back to normal. This was her curse.

Later on, Sebastian found Serena lying unconsciously on the beach naked where she seemed injured. Serena was covered with blood which escalated his anxiety of which he felt despite the lack of familiarity of who she was. He hurriedly carried her in his muscular arms and took her to the palace with him; she needed help. At the time Sebastian had a mixture of emotion, he was feeling overwhelmed but he was also consumed by his inquisitiveness of what had occurred that unforgettable evening the night before when she had vanished into thin air.

As they reached the palace Sebastian yelled for some help. His voice resounded throughout the halls and broke the peace of that morning. After hearing the voice of their master, the servants replaced their melancholy expressions with urgency as they scattered rapidly to their master’s presence. The servants were in shock and their thoughts were filled with confusion. Nonetheless, they covered her shriveled body with robes and wiped the stains of blood that were dotted around her skin. They carried her to a comfortable bed so she could rest.

The rays of the sun awakened Serena in a discreet room. She wondered how she got there. Her eyes moved across the room in the hope that she might have some familiarity but she could only recall the night she was at the beach. Suddenly she heard heavy footsteps coming from the hall which stopped the minute they reached her door. They were whispering but she could not quite understand what they were possibly talking about, but she knew right away through the penetrating tone of their voice it was not something pleasant. Then a man’s voice stood out through the rigorous whispers. She felt safe after hearing a familiar voice but she couldn’t possibly discern who it was. The door opened and there was a man wearing a fine garment smiling enthusiastically as he walked slowly towards her direction. He said “Hello, my name is Sebastian. I found you unconscious this morning near the shore”, Serena did not really know how to respond as she did not expect anyone to save her, the momentary unconsciousness that she had experienced was almost like a daily routine for her. Yet, how could she possibly explain this to him? However in that soundless room, you could hear every beat and thump of her heart the instant their eyes met. Only then did she know that he would be her next…

Serena then noticed that her skin around her arms was beginning peel away and her fins were appearing. Sebastian did not seem to notice as he was so fixated at looking into her eyes, however, he starts to notice a stench – like a dead body decaying. Urgently Serena tried to hide her arms with the sleeves of her robe. Then, she distracted Sebastian by pointing out the window pretending she saw something hideous. Sebastian submissively looked out the window like a faithful pet dog but he thought it was odd as he didn’t seem to see anything.

Serena decided that she would go home. She wanted to stay longer but she couldn’t possibly let Sebastian know what a monster of a person she was. So Serena went home carrying her sorrow on her despairing shoulders. Sebastian, on the other hand, was also feeling dejected and the curve in his smile turned upside down. He felt like he had lost one of his most valuable jewels. While he watched her walk away from the palace he decided to chase her with the hope of meeting her again – one day. Serena could feel her cheeks burn as it reddened liked a full ripe apple as she was flattered and so she agreed to his offer and said that they will meet again at the next full moon. They would meet again at the beach. Their place.

The moment Serena arrived she was overwhelmed with ecstasy. She had once again successfully found her very the last target. She would finally fulfil her destiny of immortality and become human without going through the anguish of old age. The curse that was cast upon her haunted her for years, like a chain attached from which she wanted to break free. The only way out of this misery was to find the one that would willingly surrender his love just for her.

Sebastian was the one.

Without a doubt, he was already in love with her despite being oblivious of her true colours. For the last 200 years, she has been targeting different men so she could achieve the youth and immortality she was looking for. The only cure for the spell that was cast upon her was a man’s true love but unfortunately, Serena failed to acquire this until she met Sebastian. But there was an irony to this curse. She was falling in love. Serena however, valuing youth and immortality over love, patiently waited for the next full moon to come. She prepared the equipment she would need; a golden dagger with a devilish carving of a tail at the handle.

Only when she noticed that her hair was starting to turn white and fall out, did she realise that the remedy she’d been taking was wearing off. So she took her one last shot to the next full moon.

It was the night of the full moon and at the same place where they first met. In his eyes she was the most beautiful jewel he had ever seen in his entire life, she was wearing a white long dress, glistening like a diamond. Sebastian slowly walked toward her. She realised how fine looking he was. Could she do what she needed to do? Sebastian filled the empty spaces between her hands with his and Serena could feel her throb once again but she ignored it and instead she focused and what she desired the most.

Beauty and youth.

Serena lead the way towards the sea; without even realising Sebastian was already sinking at the deepest end of the cave as Serena dragged Sebastian down to a cave under the sea.

As they got to the cave, it was bizarre, macabre even. At the centre, there was a table made out of stones where Serena laid Sebastian down. She took the dagger that she hid in the pocket of her dress where she attempted to aim at Sebastian’s heart. Her desire to become human, immortal, beautiful and young was stronger which surpassed whatever attraction she felt for Sebastian. So she aimed straight at his heart and stabbed him in desperation. She took the chalice that was on the counter and she collected the blood that was dripping off the table. She began to drink the bittersweet blood. Despite her hideous smirk, her misery failed to conceal itself. She had killed one she loved. She would be alone forever. And that I suppose, is the real curse.

Abortion should be banned at all costs

Abortion. It has always been a hot topic that causes controversy, brought to light through the recent debate in Northern Ireland. Some officials have recommended for a legalisation of abortion in certain circumstances; for instance, abortion is allowed if the foetus has a lethal abnormality. In my opinion, I highly disagree with this recommendation and think abortion should never have even been considered to be legalised. Yet, as a 21st-century woman, this opinion is viewed as highly controversial; anti-feminist even. We live in a generation where almost anything is possible. As time goes by we learn and improve, which is why there is a high probability that abortion is not the only solution to society’s difficulties.

Regarding the recent issue in Northern Ireland, some women are seeking approval for abortion because of rape, incest or serious malformation of a foetus. This is indeed a severe incident and I empathise entirely with this appalling situation. Obviously, this issue is not an easy one; the solution is not obvious. However, as a woman I believe we have other options besides abortion. The grief and anger should not be thrown at the child. If we take a chance by accepting the child we might learn to love the child – it could be the joy that will cure the pain that they have been put through.

Abortion is the process of terminating a pregnancy. It leads to the death of an unborn baby. One in three women between the ages of their 20-24 years old will have an abortion in the UK. These women are old enough to be responsible for the journey of motherhood and yet they choose the path where their conclusion is abortion.

Now wait” I hear you cry “what about if a woman who was raped and she was unwilling to carry the child that will remind her of the nightmare!” Let us always remember this: the child is not at fault and they don’t deserve to take the blame for a mistake they didn’t do. There is always a rainbow after a storm; the child could be a blessing in disguise, your bundle of joy. Although there are explanations as to why victims would want to proceed with abortion in my point opinion it is not right to sacrifice a pristine child’s life for another person’s desire. Abortion is not the only key to the door you want to unlock there are other options and people should not decide on abortion from the offset.

Many religious leaders still don’t approve with the legalisation of abortion in other countries because it is something that should not be easily authorised. We do not have any right to do so because we create life. But we were not the ones who gave life. Why do we choose who we can deliberately kill? A foetus is still a human being that is entirely feeble, fragile and faultless. Around the world young women and girls are easily deciding on abortion which they shouldn’t be as there are far better options. There are a lot of couples that can’t have the opportunity to have children. By giving the child up for adoption rather than abortion could also help couple such as these. Think about it – you could turn a mistake into a gift.

In the UK, each year about 200,000 abortions is carried out which also means the same amount of innocent lives are lost. Take Lucy Barker. At the age of 21 she had an abortion due to financial difficulties. She wanted to graduate and get a good degree. However, she was careless with her partner as they were lax with using protection and they had unprotected sex like so many University students. It was their choice to have unprotected sex. They were consenting adults and, therefore, they should have been adult enough to take responsibility for their actions. Therefore, they are at fault for doing so and they should be accountable for their own mistakes. They have their own free will and they are at an age where they are capable of making the right decision in a dilemma yet they took the wrong resolution–abortion.

Hold on.” I’m listening “what if the mother’s life is in danger and the child may have the disability when it’s born?” I suppose from some people’s perspective they would agree to this circumstance as it could save the mother’s life and also could prevent the child from suffering as well. Again, this reminds us that there is no easy answer. But life is full of surprises; we don’t know what the future holds. Technologies progress all the time and we discover different treatments to illnesses that we assumed we would be incapable of curing. When my Uncle was born with down-syndrome in the 1950s, the nurse pronounced he would never be anything more than a ‘vegetable’. What if my grandmother had aborted him? He would never have grown up to be the wonderful person that he is.

Think again: should we allow abortion in our society? From my perspective, we need to reflect on our actions and consider how we handle our decisions. In my opinion, the government in Northern Ireland needs to think carefully about legalising abortion. I understand that this is not a simple area of science and morality, in fact, it somewhere where science and morality seem to clash. There is no easy answer. But each and every one of us deserves to live our lives to the full. Everyone demands a chance at life, no matter how bleak that might seem from the offset.

A spontaneous expedition 

For starters this mini trip to Majorca was not really planned, let’s just say it was a “Last resort”. My friends and I were thinking of going with other people to Interrailing. But the people were taking a long time booking and the prices were also getting higher each day that goes by. So my friend and I decided to book a trip to Majorca instead. No plans whatsoever, I didn’t even hesitate as I was also desperate to get away from everybody. I just wanted to find solace in another alienated land. At the time, the stress from my A-levels was eating me alive and I was also going through a difficult time sorting my relationship with the people around me. So after paying for everything and all the bookings were sorted, planes, shuttle buses, accommodation etc. I still did not feel any excitement or sort whatsoever. However when that day finally came (1st of July 2015) I could feel the joy and my overwhelming emotion flowing through me. The excitement rushing in me was magical. My friend and I were also late we through we will miss the plane but luck was on our side.  
Luck on our side 



I guess luck was indeed on our side at the time. At first, my friend and I were having troubles managing our budget for Majorca as we did not bring enough money. My budget then was only €300 for 8 days and our hotel deal was also self-catering as we thought it would be cheaper if we eat outside rather than eating at our hotel. However when we got to our hotel the manager gave us an offer. For 2 nights and 3 days, we will be staying at their other hotel which is closer to the town, where the city life is. There will be breakfast and dinner in those days we are staying as well. My friend and I just looked at each other in shocked, and asked the manager “Do we have to pay?” And he simply answered, “No darling, It’s our promotion”. Right away we accepted his proposal although we had a millions of questions in our heads like “Why are they doing this?” Or “Is this their way of abducting Young British women for prostitution?”. Well, we were desperate too, we only thought of this kind of questions after accepting the offer. Who would say no to anything free these days anyways? Unless you’re the Kardashians, I mean saying yes to something free would hurt their ego. When we arrived at their hotel I looked around and saw an offer which says “Internet 3 dias por €12” so I thought that’s cheap and decided I’ll get it. I went to ask the Manager but she told me I don’t have to pay and she will just give it to us for free. For those 3 days, we simply got everything free. Lucky right?

Life at Magaluf




In those 3 days we had a taste of their city life, but to be honest there wasn’t really anything special when we got to the actual town, where we found people our age and where the restaurants were at. I was more excited about seeing different sceneries, the beaches not just a week of getting drunk in this foreign place. For 3 days I did not quite enjoy the town itself but I loved the company of my friend who would say yes to anything I would want to do. I was still quite new to the place and since I was the older one I had to lead the way and be the mature person. Remembering directions were easy to me that’s why we never got lost as I was quite good at remembering the way. We also went to the beach that was packed with a lot of people. I was genuinely disgusted with the dirt loitering around the waters of the beach. That’s when I lost my appetite of swimming, so instead we decided to just swim in our hotel pool.

Santa Ponca

 


After 3 Days we finally moved back to our actual hotel, although it was further compared to the previous one, I guess this hotel was better as it’s away from everything else and it does give you some alone time for yourself. The only thing that was difficult about the hotel is the fact it takes 30 mins to walk to the bus stop, waiting for the bus will also take a while which is, at least, 10-15mins and travelling from Santa Ponca to Magaluf will take 30-40mins as well. It may sound horrible as it seems to be wasting time travelling but I guess my friend and I did enjoy those long walks as we were able to get a closer look at the place itself.

Beauty of an estranged Land

 




Compared to Magaluf the beach at Santa Ponca is way cleaner, the water is crystal clear that you could literally see varieties of fishes roaming around the ocean. One thing I learnt is the place was also so open that we even did “Pool hopping”. We basically went to different pools of varieties of hotels around the place. They won’t even kick you out and they would just think you’re one of their customers honestly. The local people were also kind hearted, and of the things I won’t forget is how the lady at the shop gave me free plasters for the cuts all over my legs. A Little act of kindness like this actually made my day.

The beach was so beautiful I never got tired swimming every single day. It may sound ridiculous but I even bought myself some goggles so I would be able to clearly see underneath the waters. I was not a good swimmer myself but one thing I learnt on this trip is I was able to overcome one of my fears. Nothing will happen if you won’t do anything of your fears, so I took the opportunity and tried to swim even though I was scared to death. I thought we would all die one day, and why not make the most of it right?

Mini night trips

  

  


I really did enjoy this trip although there were a few problems along the way. I learnt how to be independent especially managing your own budget so that you will have enough money to last you for the whole week. I knew that I didn’t even have enough to last me for a week so my friend and I actually decided to buy our own ingredients at the market so we can make our own food at our hotel instead. Trust me it worked! We were actually able to save up some money, not just that but I was also able to buy souvenirs for my family and friends.  One of the things I loved in this small town (Santa Ponca) is the fact that they have their own nightlife as well, it may not be as busy as the one in Magaluf but I preferred this nightlife. I guess we were able to have a time for ourselves. Although we had a try of the nightlife at Magaluf for a few times, yes I have to admit it was fun but there were also traumatic experiences such as having no place to stay at 3 AM because your friends have the keys and you have lost them along the way. However, I preferred the night life at Santa Ponca, not just about the drinking life but more like watching the people trying their hardest to make a living as well as showing off their talents and passion for art itself. Overall it may sound disastrous but thanks to this trip it gave me the opportunity to experience a variety of things in life.

When I fell in love…

When I was just a little kid, I was so enthusiastic about falling in love. It seems like an amazing thing to think about, seeing couples walking around town hand in hand with a shining bright smile on their faces. Kissing in public like they have no care in the world. Everything about love when I was younger was so perfect and jubilant at the time. Maybe due to the fact that I was still young and naive, I didn’t fully understand what love really meant.

But now I do, and sometimes I wish that I am still that young and naive girl wearing her pigtails in her favourite pink silk dress. Love is indeed the most wonderful thing, it’s capable of making you feel different emotions. I guess I was brainwashed by my cherished Disney films. They made it seem like love is just around the corner and there is always a happy ending. But there is no such thing as happy ending unless you’re lucky.

When I fell in love. It was like receiving your first birthday gift, it was something fresh and exciting. I thought it felt really wonderful to have  someone in your life that loves and cares for you, it felt good. But then I didn’t expect that love could also hurt you as much as it brings you happiness. To the point that you would even lose your appetite with your favourite dish or how everything  seems dull to you even in a lovely weather. How ironic right? Back then Love was like a dream that I didn’t want to end but now I wish that when I go to sleep I will just wake up like it’s just one my biggest nightmares and eventually forget like it never happened.

Spirited Away Review

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This astonishing Japanese magical and fantasy animated movie will bring you to another world as you will find yourself completely mesmerized in the middle of the film that’s how great the movie is because each time I watch ‘Spirited Away’ it feels as if it’s the first time I’ve seen the film. It’s one of Hayao Miyazaki’s bewildering works and this movie really deserves to be seen by many. He is a famous Japanese director who has appealed a number of audiences and has gained awards and international acclaim as an animator along with the co-founder of his Ghibli studio Isao Takahata. His works was also compared with the other famous animators around the world such as the American Animator Walt Disney and also the British Animator Nick Park this shows his works is also as great as them or probably even better if only you had seen all of his animations you would be thrilled with every story for its unpredictable endings.

I began to realize how remarkable he is as well as a person especially after watching ‘Spirited Away’ and that’s when I realized this movie will be the one I will be carrying and remembering even when I’m  old and wrinkly. The type of movies that you will be carrying in your lifetime. I thought his works deserves to be discovered by millions of people and I thought of how brilliant he is to be imaginative and how did he ponder all of these ideas? Where did it all come from? What had stirred him? Although the movie is indeed similar to Alice in wonderland In my opinion Spirited away would be the better version of it. This movie could be aimed at young children or teenagers but adults will also get a lot from this movie too. It’s about being independent, maturity at a young age and believing in you that anything is possible if you just keep on believing. What struck me the most is Chihiro’s priority to her parents in the film because it made her realize her parent’s importance when she lost them on the film at some point.

Miyazaki’s movie ‘Spirited Away’ is very much similar to the story of Alice in wonderland as Alice falls into a hole and she wakes up in an utterly diverse world. In spirited Away Chihiro along with her family were on their way to their new home as her father takes the wrong direction and without knowing they got into a mystic world. Since her father loved to explore he with his family enters a tunnel which lead to another place but what they didn’t know they have already entered a different world. In there they found restaurant stalls and her parents just rushed for the food and ate like a pig, but Chihiro went her separate ways and found herself in a bathhouse there she meets this boy called Haku who warned her to get themselves out of this place before sunset however when she went back to where her parents were it was already too late. Her parents were already turned into pigs and that’s when the story begins for her. Chihiro’s adventure to a new magical world gave me that WOW feeling and nostalgic feeling of my childhood memories. She’s the type of girl who would take no for an answer for these kinds of adventure which I thought was our similarities probably one of the reasons why I chose this movie in the first place. As the story goes on Chihiro meets numerous people from the bath house of God’s and one of the first she meets is Haku who also have a significant role in the movie for he will be the one helping her get her parents back to their human world. He is the one who will be helping her during her stay in the bath house. But God knows what could happen next? Would our little girl experience her firsts ever puppy love? Hmmm. What could this friendly relationship turn into?

As the story goes on Chihiro learns to love and care for the people in the bathhouse even the people there starts to love her as well for her charismatic and happy go lucky personality that’s why at near end of the story it’s gets harder and harder for them to say their farewells as they have started to care for each other whether they deny it they have become part of each other’s lives. This part of the movie have inspired the fact that I didn’t expect that all those people who have hated and discriminated her, at first, would be the ones rooting for her in the end to have a safe trip back home. The fact that they have supported her onto what she wants even though they wanted her to stay.

The Animation may not be the best quality of all films compared to the films now the fact that it’s quite an old film you will be intrigued by the story plot of this movie. Although it’s an old animation it’s also breath taking because it’s drawings is just very meticulous and detailed especially the backgrounds which are rich in colour and the surrounding in the Animation gives out the feeling of traditional Japanese which is indeed wonderful because it brings you to a different setting and this what makes it different to other animated movies the fact that it will bring you to a different world of animation and a remarkably different setting of story which makes it exceptional to the other Animated movies.

Miyazaki’s spirited away have captured the hearts of many and have won the best-animated feature film over ‘Lilo and Stitch’ and’ Ice age’ not just that but have also won a lot of awards in different award ceremonies. Spirited away has been nominated as well as best foreign film in the year 2002 in the French Academy of Cinema. It was a great achievement for the Studio Ghibli thanks to the animator Hayao Miyazaki that even his masterpiece was rated 5 stars.