Just like a normal teenager, I have been through relationships that I would rather forget. Like those hideous childhood pictures, you would want to keep concealed in a box till the end of time. It’s not because of the fact that its embarrassing but rather filled with memories that still leaves a throbbing pain in my chest.
Falling in love was not as joyful as it seems.
To me? It was more like a tragedy.
I would never have thought that I would end up in a relationship that would leave a puddle of tears on my pillows every night, then wake up the next morning to find it dry again and act like it was nothing. It was difficult for me to pretend that I am happy every waking day when in fact my heart is bleeding. Honestly, I even had suicidal thoughts as I felt like I wasn’t being appreciated nor loved at all.
The relationship we had was not healthy.
There was no trust in the relationship, and even when he would ask for forgiveness It was easy for me to say “Yes, I forgive you” but It was so difficult for me to say “Let’s forget about it”. It’s like getting stabbed over and over again with the same wound you had last time. That’s what betrayal felt to me.
I was so consumed with the idea of him changing and that is why I never left. I was patient and my head was brimming with hopes and dreams that maybe one day he will be the person I want him to be for me.
However, this post is not about my past failures and experiences in relationships. I am writing this to tell you about how I found my “true love”. You may wonder who this lucky person may be? Before we get to that part, let me tell you how.
It was when I lost myself in the process of creating the ideal person he wanted me to be. It was when I felt like I was not being loved enough. It was when I felt all alone in a crowded room. It was when I couldn’t even love myself anymore.
I would immerse myself in the thoughts of how he lied, how he took me for granted and I would question myself “Am I not good enough?”. My mind was being poisoned with doubts and I didn’t realise that It was the devil telling me I wasn’t good enough.
But that was back then before I met him. After that, everything changed.
I learnt to love myself because he loved me first.
Despite my flaws and imperfections, he never left my side. He accepted me for who I am, and he never gave up on me even when I would push him away. He healed my broken heart and my broken life.
He is called Jesus.
He is my true love.
He will never forsake me.
He never did, and never will.